COLLEEN BARBER:

I AM A 32 YEAR OLD WOMAN.
I HAVE LIVED IN A GROUP HOME, AND I HAVE LIVED ON MY OWN, IN AND OUT OF THREE DIFFERENT APARTMENTS.
I MOVED IN TO ELDERLY HOUSING BECAUSE MY SERVICE AGENCY DID NOT WANT TO PAY THE RENT ON MY APARTMENT IN THE COMMUNITY ANY LONGER.
I AM SOMEWHAT HAPPY NOW.
BUT, WHEN I FIRST MOVED INTO ELDERLY HOUSING, THERE WAS A LETTER IN THE NEWSPAPER STATING THAT DISABLED PEOPLE AND ELDERLY PEOPLE DID NOT MIX WELL IN THE ELDERLY HOUSING COMPLEX.
WHEN I LEARNED THIS, IT HERT ME.
BUT THIS APARTMENT WAS THE LAST RESORT IF I WANTED TO LIVE ON MY OWN.
OVER THE YEARS I HAVE BECOME MY OWN ADVOCATE.
AND WHEN I HAVE HAD TO MOVE, IT HASN'T BEEN MY DECISION.
THE DECISION WAS BASED ON MONEY MATTERS AND MADE BY MY SERVICE AGENCY.
I DON'T THINK IT DOSN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE MONEY.
SO I LEARNED TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF.
WHEN SPEAKING UP, I FOUND THAT MY FRIENDS CAN HELP ME MAKE BETTER CHOICES THAN THE AGENCY.
AFTER ALL, WHO IS IT REALLY WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CHOICE.
LET'S FACE IT, IT IS US, THE DISABLED AND NOT THE AGENCIES.
IT'S MY LIFE, AND MY FRIENDS SHARE IT WITH ME.

THIS IS HOW I HAVE COME TO SAY, THAT DISABLED PEOPLE CAN HAVE NON-DISABLED PEOPLE TO FALL BACK ON, TO GIVE POINTERS AND TO BE REAL FRIENDS.
AND THIS IS THE REASON WHY I DID THIS BOOK.
I KNOW AND FEEL THAT IT IS MY RIGHT TO PICK THE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AS MY FRIENDS, AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE PAID.
PERHAPS THIS IS THE BIGGEST REASON WHY I'M DOING THIS PROJECT - YOU CAN'T BUY FRIENDSHIP.

SANDY MILYKO:

I AM A SINGLE, DISABLED MOM WITH CEREBRAL PALSY SINCE THE AGE OF 3.
I HAD A DAUGHTER SUSAN (NAMED AFTER MY SISTER).
FROM MY LIFE BEFORE I HAD SUSIE, THEN AS A MOM, AND LATER AS A PROFESSIONAL, I HAVE HAD TO DEAL CONSTANTLY WITH THE "SYSTEM" THAT ISOLATES AND DEVALUES DISABLED PEOPLE.
DURING MY TIME IN GRADE SCHOOL: I WAS CALLED NAMES, PICKED ON AND HAD MY FINGERS SLAMMED IN LOCKER DOORS.
25-YEARS LATER, I STARTED MY DAUGHTER IN THE SAME SCHOOL SYSTEM AND HAD TO WATCH HER BE PUT IN THE CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM TO EAT LUNCH BY HERSELF, TO PLAY BY HERSELF, AND TO WATCH PARTIES AND NOT BE INVITED TO JOIN.
THE SCHOOL SYSTEM DID NOTHING, AS IT DID NOTHING FOR ME.
WHEN SHE WAS AN INFANT SUSIE BECAME CRITICALLY ILL WITH A RARE DISEASE CALLED ALPERS.
BUT THROUGH IT ALL SHE WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE GRIL, LOVED BEYOUND WHAT ANY WORDS CAN EXPRESS.
EVERYWHERE WE GO BOBCHI HER (GRANDMOTHER, MY MOM) PUSHED HER WHEELCHAIR.
AND, I BECAME A "BAG LADY" TOTING A "HANDBAG", A "CAMERA BAG", A "MEDICINE BAG", A "FOOD BAG", A "DIAPER BAG", A "CLOTHES BAG" WITH A CLEAN OUTFIT (JUST IN CASE,) AND TOWARD THE END OF SUSIE'S LIFE - A PORTABLE OXYGEN TANK.
AS THE ILLNESS PROGRESSED, WE HAD TO CHANGE THE WAY WE FED HER, FROM: BY MOUTH TO A G-TUBE.
SUSIE ATE EVERYTHING WE ATE INCLUDING HOMEMADE PIZZA THROUGH HER G-TUBE.
BEFORE SUSIE, I WAS AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER.
AS SUSIE HAS CAUSED A CHANGE IN MY LIFE; I HAVE BECOME AN ADVOCATE FOR DISABILITY RIGHTS, A TEACHER IN DISABILITY ISSUES AND A CONSULTANT ON HUMAN RIGHTS FOR ALL.
ONE OF THE MAJOR ISSUE'S I'VE OFTEN CONFRONTED, IS THE LACK OF RECIPROCAL AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE.
THERE IS NO REASON, AND NO EXCUSE FOR THE ISOLATION I'VE EXPERIENCED AS A CHILD, AND WAS SO HURTFUL TO ME, THE LONELINESS IN MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE AMONG OTHER SCHOOL CHILDREN.

THIS BOOK IS ABOUT ADULT FRIENDSHIPS.
PERHAPS OUR NEXT BOOK WILL BE ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS BETWEEN DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED CHILDREN.

KAY PFEIFFER:

DURING THE NINE MONTHS I WORKED ON THIS PROJECT, LATE SPRING INTO AUTUMM 1996, I BECAME MORE AND MORE EXCITED WITH OUR RESEARCH AND PLANNING MEETINGS.

RECENTLY, I CONPLETED MY DOCTORATE IN EDUCATION AND HAD SPENT THE PREVIOUS THREE YEARS DOING RESEARCH AND WRITING.

WHILE SANDY AND COLLEEN INVITED ME INTO THE PROJECT AS A EDITOR/WRITER, I THOUGHT MY SKILLS IN RESEARCH WOULD ALSO BE OF HELP.
TO MY CHAGRIN AND LATER DELIGHT, I HAD TO UN-LEARN A LOT OF PRECONCEPTIONS ABOUT RESEARCH.
I SOON REALIZED THAT QUESTIONS OF METHOD, VALIDITY AND IDEOLOGY ARE NOT IMPORTANT HERE.
THIS PROJECT IS ABOUT PEOPLE, THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER AND THEMSELVES.

THE METHOD IS CONVERSATION, THE VALIDITY IS IN THEIR EYES AND VOICES AND THE IDEOLOGY WAS THAT WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOSE OUR FRIENDS, TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIP IN OUR OWN WAYS, AND TO NAME OUR OWN TRUTHS.

THIS PROJECT IS MORE THAN AN INQUIRY INTO THE WHAT AND HOW OF RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE.

ALL OF US, THAT PARTICIPATED AND COLLABORATED IN THIS PROJECT - AS INTERVIEWEES, INTERVIEWERS, EDITOR AND WEEKLY DISCUSSION PARTICIPANTS, EMBARKED ON THIS JOURNEY.

WE QUESTIONED OUR OWN DEFINITIONS OF FRIENDSHIP AND THE NATURE OF ALL OF OUR FRIENDSHIPS.

IN PAIRS AND GROUPS, BUT MOSTLY AS INDIVIDUALS, WE EXPOSED OURSELVES AND QUESTIONED HOW AND WHY WE RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE.