BACKGROUND TO THE PROJECT

OUR PERPOSE FOR DOING THIS PROJECT IS SIMPLE - TO SHOW THAT DISABLED PEOPLE CAN HAVE A REWARDING, ENDURING AND INTIMATE FRIENDSHIPS WITH NON-DISABLED PEOPLE.

WHEN WE WENT TO THE DEPARTMENT OF MENTAL RETARDATION (DMR) FOR THE MONEY TO DO THIS BOOK PROJECT, WE EXPLAINED WHAT A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY IT WOULD BE TO SHOW OUR COMMUNITIES AND LOCAL HUMAN SERVICE AGENCIES THAT THESE FRIENDSHIPS ARE POSSIBLE.

WE ALSO KNEW IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS RIGHT AND NECESSARY.

WE PERPOSEFULLY DEFINED THESE FRIENDSHIPS AS NON-PAID RELATIONSHIPS.

WE SAY THIS BECAUSE THE ONLY RELATIONSHIPS OF THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE WITH SIGNIFICANT IMPAIRMENTS HAVE WITH NON-DISABLED PEOPLE IS THE PAID STAFF OF THE AGENCY SERVING THEM.

WE THOUGHT WE WOULD LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE CAN STRENGTHEN AND GROW.

WE ALSO THOUGHT THAT A BOOK CONTAINING THE WORDS OF THE PEOPLE IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS WOULD HELP OTHERS TO REACH OUT TO NEW FRIENDS - BROADENING AND ENRICHING THEIR COMMUNITIES AND LIVES.

THE WHOLE PROCESS STARTED SEVERAL YEARS AGO.

WE WERE BOTH INVOLVED IN SELF-ADVOCACY AND CITIZEN ADVOCACY IN VERIOUS WAYS:
AS A DISABILITY RIGHTS CONSULTANT, SELF-ADVOCATES, MEMBER ON THE BOARD OF A LOCAL CITIZEN ADVOCACY GROUP, CONFERENCE AND WORKSHOP PRESENTERS, COMMUNITY ACTIVISTS, MEMBERS OF LOCAL AND STATE COMMITTEES ON DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES, AND FINALLY, A PARENT OF A DISABLED CHILD.

THE ISSUE OF BUILDING FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE AROSE CONSTANTLY.

AS WE WITNESSED, AND EXPERIENCED OURSELVES, FRIENDSHIPS BLOOMED OUT OF MANY OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS.

AFTER MANY DISCUSSIONS, THROWING AROUND IDEAS AND HEADING OFF IN ALL KINDS OF DIRECTIONS, WE FINALLY DECIDED TO TAKE OUR IDEAS TO JO MASSARELLI AND MARC TUMEINSKI AT THE SRV* IMPLEMENTATION PROJECT (NORTHAMPTON MA).

THEY SUGGESTED THAT WE DO A "BOOK INTERVIEW FORMAT" TO EXPLORE THE IDEA OF RELATIONSHIPS.

THEY ALSO AGREED TO HELP US WRITE A GRANT PROPOSAL TO THE D.M.R. TO GET FUNDING FOR THIS PROJECT.

SOON AFTER, WE LEARNED THAT THE MASSACHUSETTS STATE DEPARTMENT OF MENTAL RETARDATION, WOULD FUND OUR PROJECT.

ALSO, WITH MARC AND JO'S ASSISTANCE WE ORGANIZED A ROUND-TABLE DISCUSSION GROUP IN NORTHAMPTON.

FRIENDS, PEOPLE IN HUMAN SERVICES, COMMUNITY ACTIVESTS; DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED, WERE INVITED.

WE BOUGHT PIZZA, AND SAT IN THE SRVIP LIVING ROOM AND TALKED FOR OVER TWO HOURS ON A WARM APRIL EVENING.

WE ASKED THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:
WHY DO PEOPLE WITH SIGNIFICANT IMPAIRMENTS DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS OR VALUE RELATIONSHIPS ?
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF FRIENDSHIP OR VALUED RELATIONSHIP TO A PERSON WITH IMPAIRMENTS ?
OR WITHOUT IMPAIRMENTS ?

GIVEN OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THIS ISSUE, WHAT BRINGS THEM TOGETHER ?
WHY BOTHER BEING FRIENDS WITH A PERSON WITH IMPAIRMENTS ?
WHY DO SUCH RELATIONSHIPS WORK ?

IN OUR DISCUSSION, WE DID NOT ACTUALLY ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, BUT WE TALKED FOR A LONG TIME, HOW TO DEFINE FRIENDSHIPS AND LEARN HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS.

WE DISCUSSED THE EXPECTATIONS, EXPEARENCES, DEGREES AND NATURE OF FRIENDSHIPS.

WE ALL RECOGNIZED THE JOY THAT OUR FRIENDS BROUGHT US.

WE DISCUSSED WHAT OUR LIVES WOULD BE LIKE WITHOUT FRIENDS.

WE ALSO DISCUSSED THE PAIN AND LONG TERM HURT THAT MANY DISABLED PEOPLE CARRY WITH THEM WHEN, RELATIONSHIPS NEVER TAKE ON THE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP, SUCH AS WITH PAID AGENCY STAFF.

WE TALKED ABOUT THE SOCIAL PERCEPTIONS OF PEOPLE WITH SIGNIFICANT IMPAIRMENTS, AND THAT ISOLATION PREVENTS CHILDREN AND ADULTS WITH IMPAIRMENTS FROM EVER LEARNING HOW TO BULID FRIENDSHIPS.

IN ONE SENCE, WE ALL RENEWED OUR EXISTING FRIENDSHIPS, AND STARTED NEW RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONE ANOTHER THAT NIGHT.

DURING THE SUMMER OF 1996, WE INTERVIEWED TEN PAIRS OF FRIENDS - INCLUDING OURSELVES IN THE PROCESS.

UNFORTUNATELY, TWO OF THE TAPES DIDN'T TURN OUT BECAUSE OF MECHANICAL PROBLEMS.

WE HAD ARRANGED FOR KAY PFEIFFER TO WORK WITH US AS EDITOR AND BOOK DESIGNER.

WE MEET WITH KAY WEEKLY, TO DISCUSS THE INTERVIEWS, WHAT WE WERE LEARNING AND WHAT THE BOOK WOULD LOOK LIKE.

AFTER THE INTERVIEWS HAVE BEEN TRANSCRIBED AND EDITED, THE PARTICIPANTS WERE GIVEN A CHANCE TO REVIEW THEIR DISCUSSION.

WE SPENT MANY HOURS TRYING TO COME UP WITH A LIST OF THEMES THAT DESCRIBED, OR SOMEHOW CAPTURED IN ONE PICTURE, ALL OF THESE FRIENDSHIPS.
WE FINALLY GAVE UP.

AS YOU WILL SEE WHEN YOU READ THE INTERVIEWS, EACH FRIENDSHIP STANDS ON ITS OWN AND ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS WE ASKED THE ROUNDTABLE IN THEIR OWN DIFFERENT WAY.

IN THE END, WE FOUND THAT OUR FIRST SIMPLE GOAL - TO SHOW THAT DISABLED AND NON-DISABLED PEOPLE CAN BE GOOD FRIENDS - IS ALSO THE GREATEST AND TRUEST CONCLUSION ANY READER CAN LEARN FROM THIS BOOK.

THIS IS OUR FIRST BOOK AND IT HAS BECOME VERY SPECIAL TO US.